En garde! Our dueling diners love each other when they’re not reviewing restaurants, but when the meal comes, their flaws are totally game
CHRISTINA’S ACCOUNT
All hopped up on cold medicine thanks to the changing weather, I wasn’t exactly sure if I saw what I thought I saw.
I always knew Andrew was a cheese fan—he eats cheesy pasta nightly, as evidenced by the dishes in the sink every morning. Unless there’s a magical Ratatouille character that takes over our kitchen every night, this is a certifiable fact. I’ve just rarely seen it in the flesh.
As we were sat on the gorgeous, Christmas-light lit patio at Old Town Tortilla Factory, Andrew instantly opened the menu and said “I wouldn’t be mad if we ordered the Chorizo Fundido.” Sure enough, when I looked at the description, it was melted cheese with chorizo in it.
Being a cheese fan myself (though not a full-on Ratatouille), I agreed. And when the appetizer came, in all its creamy, cheesy, semi-spicy goodness, I had a few bites, but Andrew was sucking down the equivalent of an entire block of cheese. With chips. And sausage.
“Man, I’ve gotta stop!” he said with no intention to stop.
“Yeah, you really do,” I said as I turned my attention to the menu.
In an odd reverse of roles, Andrew ordered the white meat dish and I ordered the red. However, I did get a kick when the food runner initially tried to deliver the chicken to me.
The Carne de Fuego arrived with thin-sliced steak, covered in a sweet honey sauce and served with a side of mixed peppers and onions. Being a massive pepper and onion fan, I initially thought “The only way this could be better is if this were chicken!” But then the first bite of my steak slapped my blasphemous mouth with a flavor that said “You take that back!”
And I did. And it was good. The medium-cooked steak was tender and savory-sweet, and for the first time in Dueling Diners history, I think ol’ Chrissy ordered the best meal of the night.
Not to say Andrew’s Pollo Margarita was small potatoes. (It was literally accompanied by a massive sweet potato cake in the middle.) It was a seriously pretty dish with rolled chicken pieces stuffed with cheese, roasted peppers and onions. But I’m positive what sold Andrew on the dish was the decadent creamy, citrus-tequila sauce, because who couldn’t use a bit more cream after eating a wheel of cheese?
We finished the night by placing an order for a piece of chocolate cake. When it was delivered in its massive glory, we shot Brian a look that said “No, we ordered a piece of chocolate cake.” Knowingly, he assured us this is what we ordered and to take our punishment, which was an eighth of a delicious, rich, dense chocolate cake garnished with whip cream, a raspberry sauce and strawberries.
I dared Andrew to eat a strawberry. He’s in the midst of a food renaissance and has become more open to trying new things, like one of the most common fruits on the planet. I watched as he put the strawberry in his mouth, concentrated on the flavors and then suddenly begin to frown.
As soon as he dug into the cake, I knew I was forgiven.
ANDREW’S ACCOUNT
If I had to guess, my better half on the left of the page over there is probably giving me some guff about my level of cheese intake. Well don’t listen to her, reader. I can promise you it is within legal limits. In fact, I’ve long believed that if I don’t get my daily cheese fix, I might die. My life is basically the movie Crank with less action and more pepperjack. Well, it used to be.
I have to be honest with you. I’m feeling the pressure. I think most people agreed after reading the first Dueling Diners review that Christina is the Garfunkel to my Simon. Knowing that the success of this feature relies entirely on my shoulders has taken its toll on me. Night sweats, panic attacks and worst of all… I’m eating less cheese.
Fortunately, Old Town Tortilla Factory had a large enough supply of the gooey gold to keep me trucking on. Sure, I might go to an early grave. But I’ll go leaving a legacy of gouda-fueled brilliance in the form of these restaurant reviews. This is bigger than me. Which is saying something because all this cheese is making me bigger and bigger.
Old Town Tortilla Factory knows that the tortilla is much like a blank canvas. That’s why every day they offer one of over two dozen variations they make in-house. We received the potato tortillas with herb butter. I have to say, spreading butter on a tortilla is a uniquely American experience – but one other cultures should consider co-opting.
While looking over the menu I don’t know what came over me, maybe it was all the buttered tortilla or the house margarita. Rather than ordering the reddest meat in sight I embraced the exotic, the peculiar. I ordered the chicken (with cheese). They say you eat with your eyes and if that’s true it’s a miracle I wasn’t shoving chicken into my corneas. I’ve never seen a plate of Tex-Mex look this good. The citrus-tequila sauce lent a creamy brightness to the pepper-stuffed bird. I wasn’t missing red meat at all. Or so I thought.
The judges are in and the verdict is simple: steak conquers all. Point to Christina for best dish of the night —charred and sweet, the Carne de Fuego just slightly edged out my entrée choice with its side of mashed sweet potato served in a hollowed out pepper. I mean, what was I thinking? Chicken? Maybe all this cheese is starting to sink into the decision making center of my brain.
Finally Christina and I ordered a metric butt load of chocolate cake. What we actually ordered was “a slice” but our server must have heard “as much chocolate cake as you can find” because the portion he brought out for us was inexplicable. Four people would have easily been satisfied sharing this dessert, even Christina, “Destroyer of Pastries,” was slowing down.
“Man, I’ve gotta stop!” she said with no intention to stop.
“Yeah, you really do,” I said as I snorted a line of parmesan off the table.
Old Town Tortilla Factory 6910 E. Main Street, Scottsdale, 480.945.4567, oldtowntortillafactory.com
